Sometimes, you just need to unplug.
I recently re-watched "Ghost-Like", the season 3 finale of the hit HBO series, Insecure. I wanted to watch something that I had already seen before but didn't have to pay too much attention to while I simultaneously was trying to beat the 1760 level of Candy Crush Saga (yeah, I'm addicted), answer emails, reply to text messages, eat my version of the U.S. Pizza Salad Supreme (I added cucumbers and turkey, and replaced the bacon bits with Flax Seeds), clean up my apartment, and unpack and wash my dirty clothes from a recent trip to my hometown, Little Rock, Arkansas, for a high school classmate's funeral.
I was feeling all sorts of emotions (and in some ways I still am) from the trip - seeing friends I hadn't seen in a while and discussing our own mortality and the legacy we want to leave behind, driving around town and seeing how some things have changed and how other things have stayed the same, and a late night chance encounter with my mother at a gas station that, sadly and awkwardly enough, put a lot of personal revelations in perspective.
In the final scene of the episode, Nathan comes back and tries to explain to Issa why he went MIA for a month. He said, "I went back to Houston for a bit. I was dealing with a lot of... shit." And in that moment, I felt him. I felt him on a spiritual level in a way I didn't feel him before when I first saw this episode. He went on to say that he can get "really down and kind of negative..."
"I just can't talk to people sometimes, and I didn't want to put you through that."
I felt that shit, too.
Nathan was still slaw for dippin' for a whole month and not saying shit, but I understood his need to dip. Although he didn't give specific reasons, one can assume that maybe he was depressed and needed to get away for a while without telling someone and them trying to stop him from leaving. Maybe he had some unfinished business he needed to attend to due to the hurricane that ravaged his hometown the year before. Maybe he just needed some time to be alone and think about his life, and the direction it's going in. Maybe he just needed to unplug. Maybe we'll find out next season why he left the way he did...
Sometimes, I feel like I can't talk to people. Sometimes, I feel like they wouldn't understand. Sometimes, I don't feel like explaining myself to people I don't owe an explanation to. Sometimes, I feel like I just want to move to another country when I see the news and the political climate as of late. Sometimes, I just want to go Casper on niggas and not say where I'm going or when I'm coming back. Sometimes, my ambivert personality weighs more heavily on the introverted side, and I just don't feel like being bothered. Period.
I'm realizing more and more how vitally important it is to focus more intently on your peace of mind and well being, and take a break from society. From people. From social media. From the hustle and bustle of life. From whatever it is that mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually drains you and keeps you from being your best self. Sometimes, a break isn't even enough, and you have to cut it off completely because it's detrimentally toxic, and you have to do so unapologetically and without forewarning.
Nathan apologized to Issa for his actions, as he should have. As for me, I make no apologies.
He hopes that they can "talk later" after Issa tells him she needs "some time to figure out what [she wants]." I hope the same...
It's not lost on me that today is World Mental Health Day. It's actually quite befitting. Mental health care shouldn't be a taboo topic and should be a reality for everyone.
Don't let people shame you or make you feel insecure about taking time out to take care of yourself!
Love you peeps!